Unorthodox Youth

NOTE: For all readers who are still following YDNR.

Unorthodox Youth is the matured version of YDNR. All blog posts are now transferred over onto the Unorthodox Youth Blog page.

Please turn your eyes over to www.unorthodoxyouth.blogspot.com.au

Go forth and prosper my friend, a new beginning awaits.

 

Cat Calling 101

I'm not a feminist.
I am not paranoid or afraid.
I am not skeptical, analytical or senile.

But after a particular incident, I can see why 'cat calling' has such a bad rep and why so many women are trying to position others to see what it does to us.

I know I am not alone in saying that I never understood cat calling. I never really understood why it had so much coverage in the media. I knew it would be annoying and that it sometimes happens in bad neighbourhoods, but in the northern beaches at 9:30 in the morning- I suddenly experienced cat calling for the first time.

I wasn't dressed provocatively, nor was it a time of day that is particularly unsafe.
I was in a suburban area, walking to work and entering my local mall.

The following words were expressed from a man several metres behind me, please excuse the foul language on my page- this is only to show the full extent of what this man was yelling at me.

"I want to tear you in half"
"Oi you, you little slut, you filthy mutt, when I catch up to you, I'm going to pull the hairs out of your head"

At this point, I turned around as I was not aware that it was being directed at me.
When I turned around I noticed that this man- although delusional/drunk, was already pacing towards me.
Luckily, I was not alone at the time.
An elderly lady was a few metres in front of me, but was ignoring the situation just as I was doing a few minutes prior.

Instantly, I felt insecure, afraid and my heart started racing.
I was in danger and for the first time in 19 years, I was faced with a situation I had no idea how to handle.

"Don't you fucking ignore me you stupid little stuck up bitch"
"Keep ignoring me, it just makes me want to pound you harder"
"Walk faster, I like the chase"
"Im coming for you, you filthy cunt"
"Let me taste you little girl, You cunt"

Toxic words in a public area.
Never have I experienced such a foul violation of my own security.
Usually, I would have liked to have thought that I am strong enough to hold my own ground against someone like that.
But you never really know how you are going to react once you are in that situation.

I always thought about situations, if i was to face someone who may rape me or violate me, that I would be able to defend myself.
And not saying i didn't defend myself, but it's hard to remain strong after you have had words like that thrown at you.

I felt him running, and by this time, the woman in front of me had turned around, run towards me and grabbed my wrist.
She just looked at me and said we need to go.

As we started running, it became obvious to me that if this lady was not around at the time, I could have found myself in a position i may not have come out of.

We ran into the mall and told security about the man and the incident.
He never followed us into the mall, but for the rest of that day and continually now- I am so paranoid and anxious.

Although he never physically did anything to me, incidents of such linger.
His voice still plays in my head and I can feel him whenever I am walking alone.

It isn't fair and although this may sound like a winge or rant blog- I want it to come across as a warning.

I was lucky- very lucky.
Many women don't get that luck most of the time and incidents like mine- progress into something worse.

Even when you think you are safe, in a safe location or time or you think you are out of harms way- you should never presume that you will always be okay.

It seems unfair to think that we can never fully relax when we step outside our front doors- but after such a huge reminder- I never want to be caught off guard again.

A lesson for me- and a lesson for the girls reading this.
Please- always stay alert, calm and collected.

I never had it happen to me- and like I said- although it didn't become physical, it has still left a foul taste in my mouth and my stomach becomes empty when I relive that morning.

It happens to the best of us, but we are not alone.
Cat-calling happens, it may seem funny, or exaggerated, but after experiencing it first hand, I would like to bring attention to the fact that it is probably the most damaging and torturing experiences I have had to date.

Thats all for now x

The Golden Rule

“One of the risks of being quiet is that other people can fill your silence with their own interpretation: You’re bored. You’re depressed. You’re shy. You’re stuck up. You’re judgmental. 

When others can’t read us, they write their own story—not always one we choose or that’s true to who we are.”

I was caught up in the fascination of wanting to be my own person. 

To keep originality and to remain isolated from any stereo-type.

I struggled through school, with ciphering through agendas and keeping up with trends and quirks.

I became everything that I wasn't and it took me a long time to realise that I couldn't be somebody that I'm not.

I forget to realise that I am still so young, and this adult world built around me shadows my inner child and I concave into insecurity and relinquish all hope in individuality.

My actions do not predict my words, and my words do not signify who I am.

Judgements can be made in someones mind and unfortunately there is nothing we can say nor do that will ever change that characteristic that will inevitably live within us.

Who we are to some, will differ among many.

And it has been an important thing for me to remember that.

That no matter what I do or say... not everybody can be pleased.

I have previously gone down paths which have led me to change who I am.

In the process I either hurt my family, myself or my friends.

What was most important to me, I let slip through my fingers and it became a cycle of constant disappointment.

I was never entirely happy with outcomes from my actions and from a young age, I learnt that who I want to be in the future is entirely dependent on the person I am today. 

I have gone through phases of becoming susceptible to societies trends.

With eating, drinking, dressing, acting- you name it...who I am has been a continual construction of every single mistake and mishap that I have had.

I think this is what I am trying to underline.

That who we are...can not be judged entirely upon what we do at current.

Who we are is a production of our life from birth to now.

Traits in our personality and with certain things we do and say are just pieces of our past becoming present.

I have fought my whole life, trying to outdo what I have already done.

I don't know why and when I try to justify my actions or try to reason with my motives, people will always fight back.

Negative or positive- each man for their own.

Who we are and what we make of ourselves shouldn't rely on the people we hang out with or what we study or how we live out day to day.

Trying to constantly keep up with being told what I can and can not do.

What is right and what is wrong.

Why things should happen and why things are not allowed.

These are situations that I assume everyone encounters every day.

It diminishes our self-worth,

makes us question who it is we are,

it forces us to want to change and conform.

I used to think that this was important.

That conformity can swallow a town whole and nobody will realise.

Because your actions depict who you are.

How you deliver or present yourself says who you have become.

What you say and how you live tells everybody what sort of person you to become.

It took me 6 months with a lack of motivation, isolation and loss of self-identity to realise that who I had become was not who I wanted to be.

I realised that the people who made me happy, I had abandoned.

I noticed that the way I was living, was a state of denial and my motives and actions reflected someone who I no longer wanted to be.

I became detached from who I was and I fell into a state of depression.

It took some hard yards to rediscover my motives and ambitions and get back on track to rescue my inner happiness.

It was a little bit of guidance and just accepting my final position that allowed me to realise that the way I lived my life, how I was seen by others and how I saw myself, 

 was a curation of who I had become. 

I had to learn to block out judgements, opinions and discussions and I had to listen to what mattered most to me.

I had to listen to my own voice and learn to live in a world where I would have to adapt to a society where you will never please anyone or be good enough for everyone.

People are going to let you down.

People are going to say things about you.

People are going to push and pull at you and try to change you.

The key is to remain sound.

To keep strong and clear-minded and recognise that at the end of the day...it's just going to be you.

That the only thing that should matter or dictate your life- is your own opinion.

You'll never be happy if you never stay grounded or true to yourself (sounds very cliche) but it's true.

"Do good unto others as you would have them do unto you" can always play an important role in your life, but don't lose yourself expecting to receive what you give out.

That is all for today 

x

Melancholy

“Inside us there is a word we cannot pronounce and that is who we are.”

Dedicated to my better half

 There is a time and place where we forget what it is that defines us. 

What makes us humble, what motivates us and what motive drives us to aspire in being better than who we were yesterday.

There is a period in our life, where we forget all reason and ambition and we lose sight of what direction we are meant to go. 

Our bodies become fragile, our minds desensitise and we would rather go through the day with our eyes closed and our thoughts silenced.

What matters most, is trying to figure out what got us to where we are.

Emotional heart-ache, degrading comments, physical barriers and mental let downs- we can never pin-point what it is that pushes us into the corner, but once we are there, we struggle to find a way out.

It never helps when people constantly ask you whats wrong, or how are you feeling or question why you aren't who you were two weeks ago. If you have a reason it seems understandable and people can accept that you have a reason to be 'allowed' to feel that way, but what happens when there is no reason?

What happens if we just feel it? Why is it not okay to feel sorry for yourself? Why does there have to be an explanation for the pit that is your stomach and the glaze across your eyes?

If we knew how we felt, we would know how to change it. But the reality...we don't fucking know. We know just about as much as you understand why we are acting the way we are.

Personally, if I feel like life just isn't pleasant or I am stuck in a hateful mind-frame, the last thing I feel like doing is explaining myself. 

But, I also cannot assume that people will know how I am feeling and how some people try to force you to talk about your feelings is just their way of 'helping'.

It's a difficult scenario and neither party is going to be happy with the outcome. 

Sadness, or sometimes depression is temporary and people can't see that. 

Because depression is labelled as an illness, it is something people automatically assume is destructive. 

When someone is just going through a tough time and shows signs of what they would clinically diagnose as early stage depression, it becomes something that needs to be 'fixed'.

It doesn't.

It's okay to feel alone. To feel confused and to not know exactly why it is you are unhappy.

That constant loss of appetite and insecurity, the spontaneous outbursts of tears and the temptation of just wanting to fall asleep for a few days- it's all normal.

It's human. 

It's moments like these that allow us to ponder who we are, and it also presents a time where we learn crucial elements of ourselves and our tolerance for what we can and cannot take.

We learn to become stronger.

We learn to heal faster and mentally grasp the idea of failing or being let down and teach ourselves tactics on how not to end up where we are for next time.

It's moments of depression that allow us to be just 'us'.

To sit alone in our room crying and fully let go of everything that has been building up for the past year. 

To isolate society and nurture what it is that makes us feel unwanted or unloved. 

We learn survival.

If we were constantly happy and always satisfied, you wouldn't learn anything about who you are. You would never discover what it is that affects you mentally and physically.

You would never understand your thoughts or mental construction and you would never identify what components of life, make up who you are.

Depression, don't get me wrong, is destructive and yes, it can fatally affect those who don't recover from it. Those who have depression have reached a certain point mentally where they never established an area of mental strength to defeat the things that are bothering them and that is not their fault. 

Depression, although destructive, does not necessarily impact everyone the same. 

Most people suffer depression throughout their life without realising, but they learn to adapt and modify who they are to become stronger and fight the things that are out to destroy them.

Its part of human nature to admit defeat, but it is also part of who we are on how we rise above it.

Everyone is fighting their own battles, whether they are visible to the eye or not, it isn't our job to try and diagnose others with what we think is wrong with them.

Time encompasses emotional rehabilitation and there is no evidence in proving how long or when someone will feel better or happier. 

All we can do is be there for them, admire their strengths and have trust that this part of their life will eventually fade...it always does.

Another shout-out to my mum for always reminding me 

"If it's not okay, it's not the end".

Happy days bloggers,

Until next time. x

Atelophobia

I was told, from a young age that everyone has a primary fear. Whether we know what that fear is or we are still discovering it, everyone has one fear residing within them that controls our behaviour and depicts our actions. 
This fear cannot be hidden or removed, it will live within us and eat on our emotions. Anything close to that fear will leave us feeling anxious, empty or that "not today" feeling. Our fears are all different, and they resonate with different emotions.
Our entire lives are defined by one exact moment or object and no matter what we do to try and avoid or change it, it will always be the same. 

Our fears define us. 
Our fears are what makes us who we are.

Atelophobia: the fear of never being good enough.

Lucky enough for me, mine has actually been given a definition, so I know I am not the only one out there that feels the same way. However, it's destructive.
Just as much as any fear, it plays on my emotions mentally and physically and whether I choose it or not, will always impact my societal behaviour and my relationships with other people. 

I don't know where it resonates, and I don't know how to prevent the mass tide of emotions from hitting home. I don't have access to a cure and I don't know how to become of my fear once it has taken a hold of me.

I suffer, just like each and every one else. 
Once the fear has been awakened, it stirs something up inside of me and little by little, it will eat away at all the 'good' in me.
It changes people. Fears make people adapt to control certain emotions and therefore, we are always on guard. We learn to prevent, reciprocate, absorb and control our feelings and reactions.

How we act and how we respond to how we feel towards certain feelings is monitored and censored and we refuse to let the monsters within us, become us.

We are so afraid of becoming our fear, that we alter who we are entirely, to house them.

My fear of never being good enough isn't a product of an experience and it doesn't mean that I am constantly feeling this way. I am usually unaware of my fear, but when the time arises and the moment presents itself, my fear will come around and remind me exactly what it is that keeps me up at night.

It's a guilt, a sadness, a deep hatred and regret for not being perfect. I fail to see that perfection in itself is imperfect and I am blind to the idea that maybe, just maybe, I can be accepted. 

I wear my fear with everything I own. 
I eat my fear with everything I order.
My fear is the concept of never fitting in, never being loved, never finding comfort and never quite succeeding in everything I put my heart and soul into.

Although people may encourage me, help me and try to position me to see that there is sun behind the clouds, I have learnt to embrace that without my fear: I wouldn't be me.

My fear has pushed me to believe in things that I have seen impossible, and although I may fail 80% of the time, the other 20% has made me keep going.

My failures and the idea of never quite making it in this world has made me strong.
The concept of never being good enough or never achieving perfection has made me vulnerable.
My vulnerability has made me humble and by being humble i have been able to meet and learn to be who I am today. 

I wouldn't change my fear. 
There are days where my pillows are stained and my stomach churns, but these are the days that make me realise that what I feel makes me human and that those moments of despair, mould and shape my character. 

I thank my mother,
for showing me to embrace my difficulties and to rise above them.

To appreciate the good that is in the world and to love an nurture the people around me.
To realise that life could be worse and that during moments of pain and time of healing that my fear is a fear that can be shot down in the middle of the night and can be fought.

She reminded me that it's okay to feel pain and to show weakness.
She reminded me that although there are days where i feel like my fear will take control of me entirely, that she too, has her own fear.

That she has learnt to love and life around her fear and that she has overcome the repercussions of facing her fears her whole life.

She reminded me that I am not alone in the world full of millions and that there should never be a day that anyone ever does.

That although we like to be strong and pretend that what we feel in the bottom of our stomachs doesn't make us weak at the knees, that we are allowed to fall down.

For the dust on our chest can be wiped off, our hands can be brushed together and we can stand again... remember... fall down 7 stand up 8.

It has taken be sometime to pin-point what it is exactly makes me feel entirely at a loss for words. I could never quite explain what it was that terrified me in the middle of the night and I never knew if anyone would be able to understand.

But now that I have discovered it and made a choice to accept that my fear is what it is, I have never felt so relieved.

Because I'm not unaware, and I can anticipate the worst but more importantly- I know what it is that scares me.


Once the monster has been discovered under the bed, we can fight the ones that are in our head. 

6 Stages of The Game

"The scary thing about dating is that there are only two realities. You are either going to break up or get married- expect both but appreciate one". 

Understandably, there are going to be people who disagree with what I have to say. However, girls, holla at me. 

The game isn't always ideal, but some either thrive amongst it or drown in it. 

Not only do I drown, but I go down kicking and spluttering and my death within society in the 'dating' scheme of things is ugly.

I don't know what part of me shuts off, but I am a terrible flirt. I do not like people who I don't know approaching me, I don't like you touching me and I do not know how to hold a conversation with you that makes some sort of general sense.

I'm a terrible date.

God help me, am I the only one?

I feel like people underestimate the impact that dating has on oneself.

It isn't simple.

You have to be interesting. 

You have to stand out.

You must have some sort of hobby, interest, job or some basic ground to talk about.

Being single is a label.

It's something you can pin to your shirt when you go out.

Being single isn't really an option, 

it just sort of gets palmed to you and whether you want it or not, 

you have to deal with the game, the best you can.

Some people are cut out for it,

other people (like me) avoid the dating game altogether. 

It's inevitable that people will talk to you and approach you.

Yes, I understand that. 

It's how humanity works.

But its every single motive around a conversation which makes the difference between me being charismatic or being frozen.

I can hold conversations until 4am with the right crowd.

But as soon as an alterior motif is established- I want out.

I do not want to isolate myself with one other person and discuss things that have no relevance to my current situation.

I am thrown off with compliments and I do not know how to react when you put your arm around my waist.

I feel uncomfortable and awkward.

The game however doesn't have anything to do with me being awkward or undeniably reluctant to want to date.

The game itself has created a whole agenda for people who are single.

The game has established rules and guidelines.

From txting, sxting and facebook announcements, there are do's and don't's for every moment you are single.

And that is where you are lucky....i'm going to give you the general run down of how things play out from the game. 

THE GAME PLAY

Stage 1: Initiation

- Dress to impress. Your whole love life depends on what you're wearing. Sorry to be shallow but eyes attract first. 

- If you are planning on 'picking up' or wanting to meet someone new in a club, bar, etc- do not get entirely wasted. This is always unattractive and you want to be able to remember who is the next day when he texts you (that's if he even does text you).

- Play it cool. He doesn't need to know about your best friends boyfriend who dumped your best friend and now you are angry and how your life is ruined and why your best friend matters so much to you and why you dyed your hair this week why your brother's girlfriend was such a bitch to you and oh...just keep it simple sweet- don't scare him.

Stage 2: The callback

- So you did well kid, he either got your number or you got his ( or you are now officially facey friends, cudos).

- *do not add them on facebook first, you will appear stalkerish. If they asked you to add them- you have approval to go ahead and do so, but if it wasn't mentioned and he doesn't yet know that you already know his last name- don't let facebook blow your cover

- Stick to texting, this is a lot safer. You have the time to analyse your words and keep your shit together. If you call him or he calls you, who knows what you might say out of anxiety. Deny that phone call and send him a simple text, phone calls are for close friendships where you can afford to say things without first thinking about it

Stage 3: Common Ground

- You've established some common ground and you guys actually get along. Things are working out well and you can afford to let some geek out

- wipe your hand before you hold hands, no one likes sweaty palms

- talk more about him than you, guys don't keep up with girl lingo and you'll lose his attention

- sorry to break it to you, but you can't break out in sweats yet. Keep the trackies at home, that's a gift he will have to wait to see until you are a little bit more intimately connected. 

- careful not to fall head over heels within this stage, this is a make or break zone

- this is the meeting friends of friends stage and curating a common ground. The stage where photos are taken together and people start to realise that you're hanging out a little bit more often than you used to

Stage 4: More than friends

- we're "seeing each other"

- you aren't officially dating but you and everyone else knows you are more than 'just friends'

- this is a tough stage. Generally the family meeting stage and the time where feelings are really felt

- conversations generally are more involving what sort of level you are both at and trying to discover whether you are on the same page without revealing your vulnerability 

- you are trying to find out if its a green light to go ahead and say you like each other or whether its time to back out before its too late

- This stage is the generator of friend zones, you find out whether or not all the flirty banter will get you anywhere or if it's just friendship friendly

- Nearing the end of this stage is generally when you start discussing or implying that it's heading to more of an "official" relationship but it is still skating on thin ice so talking about how you feel and opening up completely means you still have to be a bit aloof

Stage 5: Official

- congrats, you have found yourself a keeper (for now)

- things are smooth sailing for the first few weeks-months

- the honeymoon stage is great, you find out what it's like to rely on someone and it's nice to have the effortless comfort

- having a man around the house ain't so bad, plus it gives you an invisible confidence boost because yes, someone actually likes you for a change!

- you create a foundation together. essentially a ground where you both know each other explicitly from anyone else and there are parts you share together that you wouldn't usually with anyone else

- you're a pair, you are no longer individual. I'm sorry, but if you invite one part of the couple, expect the other to come too. You can't expect salt without pepper.

- This stage can run for a while, its ultimate length or (common) run time is roughly 6 months until things start to become heated.

Stage 6: I think we should talk

- the feelings stage

- I like you, but its not the right time

- I'm just really busy right now

- I think we should be friends 

- I think we should take a break

- I just need to focus on me

- the general decider if it's going to carry on further from being a honeymoon couple or actually becoming someone's partner

-this stage is easy to back out of ( if you're the one reversing)

- in a common situation it is only one person who decides whether or not to keep going further into the relationship from this stage out

- if you are super lucky, it'll be a mutual decision

- if you have been dealt bad cards, you'll be left with empty excuses and false apologies but really, you saw it coming anyway

- the stage where 'silent treatments' developed and choosing sides became ideal

So now you have had a general break down of how things play out, you can understand why the game isn't essentially something that I want to dive into.

It takes a lot of time and effort and I can be bothered trial and erroring mutiple people in hopes of finding 'the one'.

My mum always said to me "good things come to those who wait", and i get so confused as to why there aren't more people just waiting...

why does everyone want to meet and greet or wine and dine and push for something that maybe just isn't there?

That's all for today readers. x

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