The silver lining behind your wounds

We have all been hurt. We have all been let down. We have all grazed our knees and wanted someone to kiss it better. Instead of a mothers touch or a bandaid, we have had someone put a painful alcohol wipe on our wounds and left us in pain, only to learn to recover on our own.

Whether emotionally, physically, mentally or ironically, pain is something that is a grey area. No one likes to talk about it, no one likes to show it, its sort of -swept under the rug.

However, although its something that is constantly hidden from the eye, it is something that everyone has in common. Although pain is something that is seen as unhealthy or flaw, it is something that each and every person can relate to, it is something that everyone has experienced and it is something that we should be able to discuss freely.

So, unlike most happy and uplifting posts, this post is about the silver lining. How pain has helped me and how it has helped the people around me.

The silver lining behind pain... it is certainly there. Tell me there isn't and i will reply "did you become the person you are today because you got everything you wanted? Did you become strong and positive because you were never pushed down?

We have all been taught from when we were little kids that we are out on our own. Each man for themselves. Whether it was a bad grade, or a black eye, we were taught that tomorrow will be better and that we will learn from our mistakes and our misfortune.

well i was anyway.

So, how do i begin. Do i tell you all the terrible things that have happened to me? Do i tell you that i've moved on or that i've become numb to pain that comes in and out of my life? no, i wont bore you.
But i will tell you to look at yourself through my eyes.

What has happened to you in your life. What sort of pain have you endured? Were you in a car crash? Did you fail your final exams? Did your girlfriend break your heart or do you constantly struggle with your weight?

Now picture this, what if you had all of your wishes.

What if you didn't crash that car, where would you be? If you were skinny, would you be known for your personality or just your body? If you were still with your girlfriend, would you have gone on that road trip with your mates and had one of the best weekends of your life? If you passed your exams, would you be doing a job you love or a job that just carries a good pay check?

Think to yourself.

Pain comes, but it also leaves. It may hurt at the time, but when you look back on it, all it has done is shaped you into the person who you are designed to be. Everyone is different and really there isn't a definition of pain. What hurts us, doesn't necessarily hurt the people around us. We create the image of pain in our minds and we let it destroy us.

So instead of seeing pain as something destructive, see it in a positive light. Appreciate it, because let me tell you, it makes you grow. You aren't some shallow person who loves everything and has never cried at night. You are somebody, you have your own story and you are where you are now because of 'painful' things that have happened to you in your past.

Be thankful. For our bumps and bruises give us character and character is something you can't buy or earn. It is given to you during your wars and it is your own unique battle scar that you get to show off to the rest of the world.

SO,

overall, pain isn't all misery. There is a glimpse of glory in it, and there will always be a positive outcome to your painful experiences. Sure there may be rain now, but the sun will have to shine soon.

Love to all and thank you again to my viewers,
until next time
x

How do you define the unknown?

So, i have had requests on answering a few questions.
For a few days now i will write blogs answering these questions. Simple questions but with just unheard answers.

For my first question- 'what is love'- i will try my hardest to answer this truthfully. It is a hard one as there are many areas in 'love' in which i could go into. Its not something that has one 'true' and complete answer. So to perhaps...reword the question i will begin.

How would i define love?

Well.. how do i begin? Seems impossible to think about something that i have only felt in various ways. How do i know i have even felt 'love'? How do we know it even exists? I am a dreamer.

I believe its all around us. Whether it be your family, boyfriend or even the environment you are in. It is there.

I was up early the other morning. Around 5am where the sun started to rise. This is how i could see love.

Love is the sun and the moon. The sun spends her days chasing the moon across the sky, although they will never meet, the hope of a new day and the closure of the past showers us in love. The will forever be apart but in constant rotation together. Love is about the chase and never giving up.

To get a little poetic, there are a few things that i have seen lately around the city and just walking down the street that i think represent what 'love' truly is.

Love is..
The final hug her wife gives her daughter before she boards that plane.

Love is the girlfriend sitting on the beach looking patiently at her boyfriend surfing, watching him enjoy his time, adoring him.

Its an old man sitting in a pub, watching the football with a beer in his hand and smiling. Completely alone but so utterly happy where he is.

Its a young boy putting his last few coins into a charity bin and smiling up to his mum.

Its two friends at coffee, reminiscing old high school memories, laughing.

Its a business man walking to his work at 6am for his family. For his job which he loves (or which he hates) to provide for his family and himself.

Its the people running along the beach, who are running for the fun and fitness.

Its the girl in tears, screaming at her phone because she realised she misplaced her love in someone who didnt love her.

Its the bus driver waiting an extra 5 minutes for that one person running late.

Love is walking into an airport terminal. There are millions of people waiting there at the gate for someone. Whether is friends, family, a companion or work colleague, each person is there with a reason. Its love. Its waiting, anxiously until you see that face walk through the doors and your heart skips a beat.

This is tougher than i thought.
I want to say that i have loved. I know i love my family. But thats a given.Love between family is undying. It will always be there whether you ignore it or not, your family is blood. And blood is thicker than water. You can never get love like a family from anyone. Sure in comparison it could come close. But never the same.

But genuine love? I dont know. I once thought i did. I would do anything to feel that way again. But as the sun rises and the moon is destined to arrive, things change. Love comes and goes and you may be fooled into thinking that you are loved and that you do love.

The things which you loved a year ago, are no longer around. You may love yourself more or less. Love is tough. It is never in one place at one time and it is up to you to get up off your ass and find it.

Find it in the world around you. In yourself. But never chase love when it doesnt return the favour. Chase it if you know its worth it, but dont damage yourself over something that wont last.

I believe it is something that will eventually just 'turn up'. One day youll wake up and feel like your whole life has been turned around and youll recognize that today was different. Today seemed weird almost? You will wake up and realize that this is what people live for.

This is what people die for.

Thats all for now. Dont know how you would answer it... so go ahead.
What do you think? How would you define love?
Its easier said than done.
x

Once said, Forever heard.

Do you ever walk away in a fight? Hang up on your mum nagging you? Delete that 'bitch' on Facebook? Do you ever forgive and forget and learn to love the impossible?

No. No we don't.

Recently, in current events, people all over the world have loved and lost. Whether it be as critical as the 'Malaysian airlines' disappearance or just turning your back on a loved one, people are holding grudges, or agreeing with their ego and not forgiving innocent mistakes of those around them.

This was brought to my attention when I was a little girl. My mother (when we would fight and i would storm off) always made me promise her that no matter what, i would forgive, forget and love.
So when i would go to bed angry, or drive off angry or whatever situation, i would never face that consequence of regretting what i had said and done if anything was to ever happen.

Although we are all so lucky to not lose someone everyday, in the odd chance it does happen, don't risk the chance of losing someone and your last words just because of your ignorance.

It is a big thing to be able to forget an incident someone did to you and be able to brush it off with a smile. It is hard to forgive and move on and still love that person for who they are. It seems almost impossible to just hug someone and walk away after a life changing fight. But let me tell you, the hardest thing you would ever face is yelling at someone and telling them to 'fuck off' and then never being able to talk to them ever again. Not ever being able to say 'I'm sorry' or 'i love you.

Tell me you would be able to deal with that for the rest of your life.

If you could, then fine. Don't read on. But almost 100% of viewers who read this would pick up the phone, send a message or hug their mum and say sorry for all the hate that has been passed around. Im not trying to solve 'world peace' or say that everyone has to be 'filled with love and rainbows'. All i am saying is be the bigger person, you will feel secure at the end of the day knowing that whatever tomorrow brings, you would of changed and done the right thing.

For me, it is a huge part of my life. I hate walking away from someone i have been in a fight with. I hate hanging up the phone with unresolved problems. I hate going to sleep knowing that i haven't made peace with someone.

Its been almost compulsory in my life, this little 'ritual'. My parents are pilots. They have come and gone my entire life and with parents who travel long distance and aren't always around, contact is a major factor in our relationship. I could never hang up the phone on my dad during a fight and know that he is about to board a plane. It would tear me up into pieces if i did. If i just hung up because he wouldn't let me hang out with friends or made me do chores and out of spite i just 'hung up' the phone. What next? I get a phone call saying that his plane had gone down and i never got to say i loved him and all he had ever done for me.

No. It would haunt me for the rest of life and i will never put myself nor my family in that position.

There was a phone call i made a couple of years ago. It was to my mum. It was a fight over something stupid like me not doing the laundry or not cleaning my room and i went out. She called me angry that i hadn't obeyed her and i got angry that she was yelling at me. It was a spur of the moment thing but i hung up on her with fury. After a couple of minutes, i took a breath and called back.

DIAL TONE. DIAL TONE. DIAL TONE. "Sorry, this number is unavailable right now".
I called about 20 times.
Over and over, i heard the same thing. My heart stopped and i could only think the worst. I hated myself. What if i never heard from her again?

Turns out *spolier alert* mum's phone had gone flat. But boy, did it teach me a lesson in forgiving and forgetting.

Don't let that be you. Always remember there are bigger things in the world and you are lucky to be surrounded by love and life. Wow. I sound kind of pathetic and like a world peace hippy right now. But in all honestly, if you haven't done before, learn to love the impossible. Hating and holding grudges and not resolving issues between you and someone else will bring you nothing but misery. You'll always have this cloud of hate for someone and it will only eat you from the inside out.

Be the bigger person.
Move on with your day and don't let anything that can be resolved come back and haunt you.

Sorry for the dark and gloomy post- i blame it on watching "the impossible" movie.
I will be in touch. But for now its goodnight!
x

Every problem has a solution

Do you know those nights that keep getting later? Your mind is constantly ticking over the things you have let go in your life and the mistakes you wish you never made.

You are kept up all night about your bank statement, how you hate what you are doing and you really havent got a fucking clue where you want to be?

Welcome to every teenagers nightmare.

Its not easy. When you are at your all time low and you really have nothing to turn to. Either you have broken up with someone, you have lost your job, you didnt get into uni or really you are just 'stuck'.

A lot of people find themselves in this hole and they struggle to find the ladder out, when really it is right in front of you. 

As you know, i havent blogged for quite a few weeks now. Unfortunately, my mind has been preoccupied by this 'hole' i have found myself in. Its that time in your life where you sit up at night and you realise you haven't got a clue what you are doing or how to even get up in the morning. 

For a few days i slept. All day. Not just a casual sleep in- im talking staying up all night staring at my ceiling and then sleeping until 3 o'clock and just wasting away in bed doing nothing about my situation.

THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU DO.

Might sound hypocritical, but it has gotten me nowhere. Each day rolls past and you find yourself buried deeper and deeper. 

Currently- to give you an update. I was offered a job which then by a series of unfortunate events, was no longer available for me. So that was my first push. That then led to me having no source of income- hence no money. Push number 2. 

Then after having no motivation and lack of hope, i started to get into a deep state of mind where i reflected on where i was and why i was here. Things like my recent break up, my recent move away from friends and a state of isolation hit me. i realised, although surrounded by family and few friends i have in sydney- i felt absolutely alone.

This is the worst state of mind anyone can find themselves in. Its that gut wrenching feeling in the middle of the night where you start thinking- why am i here? what purpose do i serve? do i even need to be here anymore? Its depressing and it will get you no where. 

So after multiple days of blocking myself out, i realised how stupid i was being. Happiness shouldn't lie in the hands of finance or 'luck' or any other human being- happiness is entirely in your hands and only you can decide whether you are happy or not. 

Its easy to be depressed and swim in your own misery, but really, you arent going to pull yourself up from that hole. You are handing yourself a shovel and you are digging further and further down.

So i slapped myself (metaphorically) in the face and told myself to wake up. 

Make your own happiness. Reapply to jobs, walk down the road and hand out resumes. Do chores around the house and earn that 'pocket money'. Read the newspaper and listen to the news about the problems in the world, because trust me- yours are minuscule compared to global issues. 

Motivate yourself to believe that you are worth something. Focus on your career and design a pathway that will get you there. 

I know what its like. To stay up every night and find yourself in a state of despair. To hate the way you look, to have no motivation to get out and get a job or meet new people. 

I know what its like to hate who you are and you just want to bury yourself in your blankets and never face the world.

Its misery- pure and utter hatred for yourself and the world around you- and sometimes that darkness never seems to fade.

Well let me tell you- it does.

Hang in there. Your day might not be today or tomorrow or for the next week- but your time will come. It is up to you how you start your day. 

Do you roll over and sleep for another 2 hours? or do you get up, go for a walk and make the most of now. Id take the second option.

It took me a while to get up on my feet again, but with support from my family and with a little faith in myself i have found myself up and running again.

Its okay to have a day of sadness or a day of self reflection where you realise you've fucked up here and there. But its not okay to let those days control your life. Because once you let them control your life, they will eventually turn you into someone you hate and you will never get out of that mind state.

Don't let that boy you used to love control your emotions or your self worth. Don't let money decide whether you are going to go out and or whether you are going to stay in. Don't let your job make you dread tomorrow. 

Do what you love, love the people who love you and see money as a bonus. 

And another pointer- NEVER allow yourself to hate who you are. You are you for a reason, you are where you are because there is something brilliant waiting for you around the corner and you are lucky to be here breathing among everyone else.

There is always a door. There are always people who love and will support you and there will always be a tomorrow.

Its always up to you to decide what you are going to make out of tomorrow.

I found that out for myself and you have to do it in your own time too. 

It is there and trust me- all those long nights and days of misery are going to be worth it and they are stepping stones which will lead you to the person you will become. It will be okay. 

Im not saying it will be easy, you may not ever be in this state of mind- this is for those people who do find themselves waking up and finding themselves at the bottom and failing to see a way to the top again. 

All i am saying is to have faith in yourself, be independant and trust that you arent the only one who feels this way. This things happen and people get kicked down for a reason. Its up to you to control your happiness, you may not be able to change your past but there is plenty of time and many ways you can change your future.  

Thats all for now bloggers, i promise to blog more frequently now that i am back on track.

And just remember - every problem has a solution.

X