Now- i haven't dropped out, and yes i will be returning to uni, but due to a current relocation, i am in the midst of transferring universities and therefore have a good few months until i start up the big books again.
This gives me time to reflect on what i have been doing for the past 12 months of my life. And all i can say is - although being a uni student gives you the chance to do what you want- i never thought it would be so god. damn. HARD!
First of all- lets talk about actually getting in! So as most of you have done, you complete your HSC or your QCS or ATAR which gives you entrance into those big golden gates, but nevertheless you actually have to get a pretty fucking remarkable score to be able to do so. Instead- for me- i was one of those kids that had their hearts broken when i received my score back. No i didn't get what i applied for, no i wasn't accepted into university and yes- i was ready to give up hope.
It took a lot of strength to reapply for uni, and instead of applying for what i wanted, i had to apply for other options such as a tertiary pathway, tafe or reapplying for a course which i had no intention of actually being interested in.
Nonetheless, after many applications and daily telephone calls to universities and student help lines- i managed to land myself a role in a course at the University of Queensland. Not bad for someone who thought a month ago, was at a dead end?
Anyway, i was on the right path- although strenuous and totally in the opposite direction of where i wanted to go, i was IN.
Lesson #1- although you don't get into the course you want, always find a way in. Because once your foot is in the door, you can roam as much as you want. Its better than not getting in at all and missing out on your opportunity. You have to lose a little to win a little. So i took my chances.
Don't get me wrong, uni is fun. If you take your headphones out, participate and get into that whole community type thing. However, i'm not one of those people. I loved the beat of the music around the uni and the crowds of different people wandering around, but i knew where i was going. Straight to lectures, tutorials and then home. I just wanted to get in and get out. Maybe if i had a more relaxed and open attitude to the university life i would of enjoyed it more, but i didn't. And it is something that i will try to do when i return.
My timetable was shit, i was in classes which i hated and the people who were around me, were people twice my age and had no interest in me nor did i in them. A recipe for disaster.
Although acing my class pracs and group assessments, exams were my biggest obstacle. I suffer from BDE - a term i like to call 'Blackouts during exams'. Sure its not medically approved, but i am 100% sure that i am not the only one out there which experiences this type of thing. I could study for years and know everything, but as soon as i sit down in that tiny chair in a huge hall with thousands of people around me furiously scribbling their destinies away, i sit there and stare at the ceiling. In a not so 'medical' term- i was fucked.
Although suffering from this extreme disease which impairs my future, i did -not so bad. I actually passed with flying colours in my first semester. Maybe because luck was on my side or it was stuff that i understood quite easily- to this day i don't know how i passed all i know is- i wasn't that lucky in the second semester.
Yes- i failed. After getting on my high horse and thinking uni was now 'easy' i decided to upgrade my course and transfer into bachelor of business. MATHS MATHS MATHS. Something i know i'm terrible at, but for some reason thought i could now master. I. was. so. wrong.
I had to teach myself everything. All the students around me knew what they were talking about when it came to demand and supply, or trigonometry.
As soon as numbers turn into letters in a mathematical equation. I AM OUT.
Do i need to say more? I sucked. I had no idea what i was doing, so when it came to the final exams- i winged it, and my results reflected that.
The only regret i have from that semester- is not asking for help. My ego got in the way of my success, and i have only myself to blame. There are teachers, masters and student helpers crawling out of my ears, but i chose not to ask for help because i was in denial.
Its okay to fail, well i should say- have no fucking clue what you are doing- but its idiotic not to acknowledge you are doing something wrong and not do something about it!
Also, please study. I know they say some ludicrous amount of hours a week, but whether its 10 minutes a day or 4 hours- DO IT. Not only will it help your studies, but you will learn things you had no clue about and surprisingly, at your next party or dinner with your family- it can really pay off and you can meet some interesting people with a little knowledge under your belt.
And finally- i want to finish with this. No one is forcing you to do anything. Do what you want to do. Sure, you may have to walk the road less taken, but you will get there and you will end up doing something you love. You could listen to everyone else and do something completely out of your league and end up hating what you do. YOU DONT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON.
Its taken me a year to figure out what i am good at, and surprisingly its writing. So as i started this blog- its pushed me to go into journalism. Now look at that transition. I was doing fucking bachelor of god knows what a year ago and it is only just now that i know what i really want to do.
You. are. not. alone.
If you don't know where you are going or what you want to do, it happens to everyone.
Some people still don't know what they want to do when they GRADUATE! Imagine that.
So hang in there kid. Trust me, its worth it to get in there and have a go. Once, Twice, Three times even, just don't give up. The brains and the beauty are there, just no direction...yet. There are people around to support you, and you are never alone. There are options and there is always a way.
So goodluck to all those returning and entering uni in the next few weeks!
And to my fellow bloggers and viewers,
I'll be back shortly x
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