As luxurious as the life out of home and as a uni students seems, i think its time that some us are faced with the harsh realisation that its not all its cracked up to be.
As i first moved out of home, as you do when you leave the nest, you are thrown in the deep end.
Bills, money, fines, money, clubbing, money, food, money- everything is weighed out and your life seems to revolve around nothing but money.
This is where i made my mistake.
I revolved my life around counting dollars and making sure i was financially stable and i forgot to live my life as a free spirited 18 year old. I worked by the hour all day every day, i ate as little as possible and i refrained from leaving my front door of my newly rented home. Not even a home i should add... more of a meth lab, in fact, it could almost be seen as a squatters house.
Anyway, back on track, you can watch as many movies or be told as many times that it is the best thing to do, but let me say this once and once only BE PREPARED.
Yes, its a brutal wake up call, when you are lying on a mattress in your dusty 5mx5m room eating nothing but 2 minute noodles and a large flat pepsi and watching your bank account clock down to $0.
Its not fun and no, its not easy. But it does make you aware and for me, it made me a strong and independent person.
As i sat alone, after finishing work at 1 am and stumbled home and had to break in through the back window to my house (as i had previously left my keys inside the house) i was finally in bed. No, there were no pretty lights or glamorous painting and a home cooked meal for me waiting. I went straight to bed, freezing as there was no heating in the house and hoped that i would just pass out.
Instead, on nights like this, i spent all night staying up late, contemplating- where do i go from here?
And trust me, it will happen to you too.
Where did i go from there? Well i chose to see the light in things. I was 18, i had my own rental, i had a job - although strenuous- which i loved. i had caring parents, i had a loving boyfriend and although life seemed pretty shit, i had it pretty good as well.
So i focused on the positives. and let me tell you, its fucking hard to do when all you can see is darkness.
I worked my ass off, and in a few months, paying rent was no longer an issue. I actually began eating out sometimes, and i was out clubbing almost every night after work when i could. Life seemed great- not amazing- just greater than what it was.
I focused on uni, although i hated what i was studying, it helped ease the pain of being away from home and took my mind off the miserable moods that i constantly found myself in. Uni- is something ill write in another blog- its a whole other world which i need to go into more depth on.
Back to living out of home. Another little one of lifes lessons- NEVER MOVE IN WITH FRIENDS
it will either make or break you. Not that i am not friends with the people i moved in with now- its just- i wouldnt say that we are all that close- and frankly, i dont mind that. Moving in with people you know, you see a whole other side to who they are and in return, they see a whole other side to you, a side in which you probably dont want them to know, but seeing as you live with them, you cant afford hide it.
Eventually, they see you when you're ugly, when you're moody, when you're drunk- they see everything. They find out that the happy girl who was always laughing in class, actually cries herself to sleep at night. They see that the girl who always had her uniform ironed and her hair done nicely- never washed her dishes until a week after they were used. The real you, is unfortunately on display to them.
so like i said earlier... are you prepared for this to happen to you?
Now, i havent touched on leaving the nest. Mum and dad, amazing people. But as a young, wild and liberated teenager, i wanted to flee. i wanted to prove to the world that yes- i can do this. yes- i am old enough to handle the deep end and yes- i am ready.
No No NO NO NO, i was terribly wrong. well.... not entirely wrong, but most parts yes, i was wrong.
i wasnt ready, who was i kidding? i was 18! i still am 18 and i can see how stupid i was. Although when i look back on living out of home, i hold the most amazing memories, i am back living with my parents- DO I NEED TO SAY MORE?
They are your protectors, they always have been. They dont judge you, they help you, they are there when you need them most. and boy oh boy, do i appreciate it now. Those nights where i was stuck in the city and couldnt afford a cab home, it was my fault. Those nights where i couldnt afford to eat or i simply couldnt be bothered to cook, that was my fault. Those nights where i didnt know how to replace a light bulb or i didnt know how to fix the over frosted freezer, that was my fault. I wasnt ready and i sure didnt know how to live out of home.
I leaper and the net DID. NOT. APPEAR.
Your mum and dad are here for you, whether you like it or not. And no its not embarassing living back at home, its mature. I acknowledged that i wasnt saving money and i was being stupid and that it was time to start acting smart. I needed to assess where i was and where exactly i was going from where i was and all i could see was grey mess.
Whether this happens to you i dont know, you may be ready, you may have it all figured out, but for people like me, sometimes its not all rainbows and sunshine and some times you just have to sit back and go ' wow, i fucked up'.
Its okay, its human.
But dont let this stop you from reaching out and moving away. Honestly, it made me who i am today, it taught me a lot of lessons. Lessons that i am paying for physically, mentally and financially, but it was worth it.
I hold so many memories from the year that i lived out of home that i mind is overflowing with blogging ideas.
It was an ugly truth that i had to move back home, but living out of home had its rays of sunshine hidden in the storm. I met some amazing friends- friends that i will have for life. I experienced drunken nights out which i was able to have because i didnt have parents to go home to and i lived like an absolute pig because- why the hell wouldnt i? I didnt have anyone telling me off, it was my house and my freedom and i lived however the hell i wanted to. And so should you.
Im just telling you to be careful, be prepared and dont have too many high expectations. And if you are leaving home for the first time, dont go crying to mum and dad when you're down. Be responsible for you. Prove to yourself and everyone else that you can handle it. Liberate yourself- make something out of it. Do me a favour and fight to see the light at the end. LIVE.
Run out of money, have no way home, eat 2 minute noodles- trust me, they will be the best and worst moments of your life, but they will become awesome memories.
okay, enough rambling on. My cat wants his belly rubbed and i have a half block of dairy milk hazelnut chocolate which is calling me!
So adios fellow bloggers and whoever else is reading. It wont be long until i need to vent again and furiously type some more cliche and quirky posts! x
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