This isnt how we were meant to live our lives. I may be 18 but im not blind and im certainly not an enthusiast of people changing for the world around them.
Its pretty fucked up dont you think? How we have this look that we are meant to achieve. We try so hard to stay a certain weight and have our hair a certain length. We are meant to dress and talk in such a manner that seems socially appealing and we, for some odd reason that defies me, are meant to abandon all our individual characteristics to conform to a society in which people like us, created.
I can relate to this topic and these words are from the heart. Yes, this blog may be public, but ive learnt to love who i am now and i can accept and look back on who i was and realise that who i changed myself to be, to fit in at high school or what i did to belong in the 'crowd', was a terrible mistake.
Im not saying that i was a completely different person, but i can accept that little changes such as to my look and to my diet and to the way i treated other people, was not who i am and certainly not who i wanted to be.
I went through a period (about 10-15 years of age) where i thought i was better than everyone else. And yes, to those who are willing, can accept the fact that they too, thought that. Its an innocent mistake to do when you are younger. And unfortunately, in my generation, it is becoming more frequent. I lied to my parents, i thought i knew everything and i thought that people should of looked up to me. I didnt appreciate that my parents gave me freedom and trusted me to go out and grow up how they wanted me to. They taught me life lessons that at the time i thought were stupid and that they were just 'nagging'. And to the kids at school, or to my teachers (who i now see as respected mentors), i thought i was wiser and i didnt have the time of day to appreciate who they were as individuals and listen to what they had to say.
However, coming more into my adolescent years, i grew up. Around 15-17 it is very common (especially in females) to become more self conscious. Instead of thinking i was prettier, or i was smarter, i thought the lowest of myself. Its almost like this mentally fucked up rollerc oaster where you are at the peak where you think everything is perfect and you are perfect and life couldnt get better, and then you plummet.
You go through the stages where you arent 'skinny', you arent pretty or you arent smart enough. Just because you aren't a size XXXXS in supre and you have a few pimples here or there and you cant get into advanced math, doesnt mean that you are the scum of the earth. You're beautiful, and i learnt that the hard way.
And yes, i can openly admit that i do still suffer from these kinds of things. But instead of bottling it up inside, i talk myself through it. I appreciate the good things i have in my life and i realise that the problems i have with myself, are how we like to call it "third world problems".
I have food. I have water. I have a bed and a house with a caring family around me and amazing friends who have made me who i am today.
i. am. so. lucky.
However, it is such a shame that not a lot of people can see this. Many teenagers and like i said earlier, people who are older than me, cannot see that the problems we have with ourselves are actually SOCIETIES PROBLEMS.
We created a world which destroys us. We publish magazines which discriminate how people act, look and live their lives and by doing that, it brain washes the every day individual to believe that how we look and live our lives should also be discriminated upon.
Who are we? We arent all the same? Why should we all have blonde long hair, with blemish free skin and a tiny waist? Why do we have to have broad shoulders, a masculine jaw line and a deep husky voice.
Sure, its nice to feel beautiful, but its ridiculous that we cant feel beautiful "naturally".
It came to my attention that we have this major "self image" epidemic when i saw photos of myself when i was younger. Miserable.
I had eyes red from crying too much, i had acne cream all over my face and i can remember every single day from that period of my life. I cant remember how good it was to go swimming at the beach with no make up on, i cant remember how good it felt to walk around in a bikini instead of a shirt and i cant remember waking up every morning and knowing i didnt have to cover up myself in makeup to go to school.
Its pathetic. and you want to know why? because i was 14.
Sure it was only 4 years ago, but it is so sad that because, i wanted to please everyone around me and look socially 'acceptable', that those years where i was meant to remember as the best years of my life, are blurred with images of me hating myself.
Now, i really hope im reaching out to people here, because to me, its a serious matter.
Im not a psychologist, or a teen expert, but ive lived through it and im here today trying to tell you all that yes, the grass is greener on the other side and no, its not you who is ugly, its the society in which we live in that is.
I could ramble on about how i have struggled with weight all my life and how many diets ive been on and how many medications ive been prescribed for acne and other teenager issues, but we have all heard it before.
The main point i want to get across is, love you who are. And i know, you have heard it before. But only you can make you hate yourself. If you love yourself, then you can love the life you live and let go of that vision of what other people want you to be.
Girls- Dress in polka dot socks, dye your hair purple and speak in that crazy british accent you like to practice in the mirror. Dance in the street, eat as much fucking cake as you want and go swimming at the beach in the brand new bikini you just bought. Because YOU are beautiful.
Boys- Ask that girl out who you have been infatuated for the past 6 months, gel your hair the way you want to, work out... or dont work out.... do ballet for fuck sake if you want to!
Because at the end of the day, its your life, and try to make the most out of it. Dont regret not leaving the house because you are 62 kilos instead of 55 kgs, dont sleep all day because you have a massive pimple on your forehead and have faked sick so no one can see you.
Make the most of now, and love who you are because when you love yourself, everyone around you can see that, and let me tell you, theres nothing more beautiful than looking at someone with a smile on their face, having the time of their life.
Thats all for now my beautiful bloggers,
and remember, dont hestitate to keep messaging or contacting me if you are ever in doubt of something.
Ill be back soon x
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