He said to be young and meet new people. But i am young, and there
isnt really anything to it. Being young is an age. Its a state of mind which i
can say i have never really been in. I have never been 'young', im an old soul
and although my age is foreseen as an adolescent- i have never lived 'young'. What is it like to be young? What defines us?
Its like i skipped that chapter in my life. I like wine with
cheese and listening to dexys midnight runners while discussing business
opportunities with my parents. I dont like the clubs which play remixes of old
classics that should be untouched and loud cars with cheap exhausts and the
girls who don't dream because their parents never taught them how.
Being young is overrated. You are meant to drink, experiment drugs, have sex and lose little pieces of your mind every saturday night one weekend at a time. When you reach your mid 20's thats when you are meant to act like a grown up.
Its almost like you are given a guilt free pass for 4 years from 18- 22 years of age where its okay to be stupid. Its okay to be a little fucked up sometimes and people just see you as young, immature and inexperienced with the world.
Is it okay to be this way? Sure. Its fucking fun and every now and again i indulge in the typical teenage scene. I skull a few smirnoff double blacks and put on a face full of makeup and paint the town red. Is it okay to be known as young and dumb. Yes it is. Is it okay to regret it? No.
However, i feel like i may be missing out on something. I feel like im older than i am meant to be at this age and i feel like that im missing out on being a teenager. I stay at home with a cup of tea, a glass of red wine and watch game of thrones until my eyes get weak by 10:30.
I enjoy the company and wisdom of my parents and i enjoy having goals for my future. I look forward to having kids of my own and i enjoy the thought of owning my own house and having a secure job.
Needless to say, i feel like i missed out on those years where i look forward to having one night stands, smoking weed and forgetting about the life ahead of me. I dont understand the concept of getting completely wasted and forgetting the night. I dont understand the idea of not knowing what to do with my life or what boy to hook up with next.
People call me mature for my age, but is this a good thing. Im caught in a crossroad.
I love the idea of knowing where i am at with my life, and what steps to take next in order to get to where i want to be. But for this to happen, i let go of going out every weekend and dancing with random people in loud clubs. In order for me to be happy in the future, i risk being happy now.
I guess i need some guidance. I need to know how to act my age and be taught how to enjoy being 18 while i am still young. I need someone to say, "its okay to let go every now and then" be young while it lasts.
I envy those who do whatever they want because they are 'carefree' and dont consider the repercussions of their actions in the present.
I envy the life of the kids my age, because its not that i cant do what they are doing, its just, i dont really know how.
I dont know how to be 'young', i dont understand why nightclubs are so fun and exciting and i dont really care if i have a guy to be with every weekend.
I have bigger motivations and goals, and for that, i sacrifice my guilt free years.
Sometimes i feel like maybe im boring. I feel like im dragging those around me down because i dont understand what theyre talking about when they want to get 'wasted' and 'lose their mind'.
I understand the concept of drinking to an extent, but when i start to forget the nights of partying and going out with friends, i dont enjoy it. I want to get to know people, where i can hear them and hear about their life. I dont want to feel their hands grab my ass as i walk by and have them give me a creepy wink. What is that? Is that a 'hello', is that their way of trying to get my attention.
Im not for that.
I want to know what its like to be unemployed and not worry about money. I want to know what its like to go to every festival that comes round and lay in the sun with a beer in my hand and not worry about work the next morning.
What makes us young? What defines being a teenager? Is it drinking every weekend? Is it having over a thousand friends on facebook. Is it taking drugs and losing your mind every weekend?
If it is? Im not young. I have never been young and frankly, it doesnt appeal to me.
Fuck, i may sound like the most boring person. But really, being young isnt what i thought it would be.
Being young means being healthy, being able to do things older people cant. Having the motivation and drive to do better and to achieve more than the generation before me. Being young to me, means freedom to do what i want. I dont want to be defined by how many nights i go out or by who i hooked up with last weekend. I dont want to be defined as young by how many drugs ive taken or how much alcohol i can handle.
I believe that if i am to be defined as young it means i have aspirations to see the world. That i have enough time in my life to be able to travel, have kids, meet someone who loves me and to be able to have the chance to have a job that i love.
Being young is being given time. Its saying 'hey, your 18 now, dont throw those years away to alcohol and drugs' do something with your time that will make you who you are and be proud of what you accomplish'.
I can go out when i want to and how i want to. But just because i dont enjoy my younger years like most, doesnt mean that i am not 'young'.
If anyone tells me differently, they can fuck off. I believe im doing the right thing with my time, and i dont want to waste my younger years only to get to my mid 20's and not be happy or not know what i am doing with my life.
My state of mind is different and if thats okay with me, thats all that matters.
If your state of mind, is okay with you... then that is perfectly fine aswell.
Moral of the blog... "time you enjoyed wasting, is not time wasted".
Everyone is different, and dont feel the need to conform to socieites definition of 'young'. If you enjoy clubbing and so on... do it. If you are like me and feel like youd rather spend your nights preparing for your future, you are not old and boring- you have just chosen a different path.
Thats all for now bloggers and readers,
ill be in touch soon x
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