Inevitable

It is something that I do not fear.

It is something that we face everyday.

Sometimes sooner rather than later.

But we are the lucky ones.

Maybe it was brought on by watching an iconic film and reading an incredible novel "the fault in our stars".
Maybe it has always been looming in the back of my head that today may be my last.
I don't like to think this way, as its a thickening storm which follows you. But some people say to live today like its your last, like we are all a ticking time bomb, like we are all in the same queue.
Some people get pulled out before others, some people make it to the end and some people never even enter the queue to begin with.

It doesn't frighten me, it saddens me. Not what i will miss out on, or who i will become. It saddens me to think of the people who i will leave behind.
Some of us never stop running.
We forget to realise that jobs are money, that money is paper and that paper inevitably does wear away in the end.
We forget to realise that today ends, just as soon as tomorrow begins and that people like ourselves disappear just as quickly as seconds pass by.

Its a dark thought, which is meant to have a light ending. Some peoples endings are natural, some are coincidental and some people...are just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Fate is undeniable. And i believe that our existence is by fate. Our lives aren't measured by what we do or where we have been or what we have accomplished. It's how we create ourselves in other people, how ourselves are made up of little pieces of everyone we surround ourselves by. Who we are, is based entirely on who we meet, and what parts of them we carry with us to the end.

It doesn't scare me anymore. The idea that the end is soon, or distant doesn't worry me. Sure, its disappointing and some what mysterious, but at this point in my life, i am completely content.

I believe that it's important. To remind the people you are around, what mark they have left on you. Whether it be hate or love, some part of someone else has created you, inspired you to wake up again and continue to stumble in the queue.

I am lucky i guess. I consider many of us 'lucky'. Not that we have made it this far or that we are healthier than some.

I consider myself lucky because if today was to end, i would be entirely satisfied with who i have loved and who i love. I wouldn't look up out of the ground and see lots of money, multiple belongings and a career. I would see my family, people who make sunsets a beautiful way to end today and people who make sunrises unforgettable. I would see wilted roses, whose beauty still lasts long after the rose has died. I would see people who i have loved and will continue to love, and i would see people (i hope) who have loved me. Whether they would be crying or laughing, at some point in my short eighteen years of existence my life would have been changed by them and at some point in their lives, i would have impacted theirs.

Death, is inevitable. And like hazel lancaster mentions "There will come a time when all of us are dead. All of us. There will come a time when there are no human beings remaining to remember that anyone ever existed or that our species ever did anything. There will be no one left to remember Aristotle or Cleopatra, let alone you. Everything that we did and built and wrote and thought and discovered will be forgotten and all of this will have been for naught. Maybe that time is coming soon and maybe it is millions of years away, but even if we survive the collapse of our sun, we will not survive forever."

Death is inevitable, and unfortunately it is also unforeseen. We don't know when. We don't know how.
But at the end of the day we have all prepared for it. We have to learn to love the 'now' and accept that now, is probably going to be as good as it gets. That the people we love now, are the people who we will love forever and that just as the stars will always be in the sky, sometimes we won't see them when it is cloudy. Just like we won't see death until it is too late.

So, i apologise if this post is dark or saddening or it's not something you felt like reading.
But it's truth and honesty which i believe that, although sometimes you don't want to read something, it is worth being read.

Thanks again followers,
ill be in touch x