"The scary thing about dating is that there are only two realities. You are either going to break up or get married- expect both but appreciate one".
Understandably, there are going to be people who disagree with what I have to say. However, girls, holla at me.
The game isn't always ideal, but some either thrive amongst it or drown in it.
Not only do I drown, but I go down kicking and spluttering and my death within society in the 'dating' scheme of things is ugly.
I don't know what part of me shuts off, but I am a terrible flirt. I do not like people who I don't know approaching me, I don't like you touching me and I do not know how to hold a conversation with you that makes some sort of general sense.
I'm a terrible date.
God help me, am I the only one?
I feel like people underestimate the impact that dating has on oneself.
It isn't simple.
You have to be interesting.
You have to stand out.
You must have some sort of hobby, interest, job or some basic ground to talk about.
Being single is a label.
It's something you can pin to your shirt when you go out.
Being single isn't really an option,
it just sort of gets palmed to you and whether you want it or not,
you have to deal with the game, the best you can.
Some people are cut out for it,
other people (like me) avoid the dating game altogether.
It's inevitable that people will talk to you and approach you.
Yes, I understand that.
It's how humanity works.
But its every single motive around a conversation which makes the difference between me being charismatic or being frozen.
I can hold conversations until 4am with the right crowd.
But as soon as an alterior motif is established- I want out.
I do not want to isolate myself with one other person and discuss things that have no relevance to my current situation.
I am thrown off with compliments and I do not know how to react when you put your arm around my waist.
I feel uncomfortable and awkward.
The game however doesn't have anything to do with me being awkward or undeniably reluctant to want to date.
The game itself has created a whole agenda for people who are single.
The game has established rules and guidelines.
From txting, sxting and facebook announcements, there are do's and don't's for every moment you are single.
And that is where you are lucky....i'm going to give you the general run down of how things play out from the game.
THE GAME PLAY
Stage 1: Initiation
- Dress to impress. Your whole love life depends on what you're wearing. Sorry to be shallow but eyes attract first.
- If you are planning on 'picking up' or wanting to meet someone new in a club, bar, etc- do not get entirely wasted. This is always unattractive and you want to be able to remember who is the next day when he texts you (that's if he even does text you).
- Play it cool. He doesn't need to know about your best friends boyfriend who dumped your best friend and now you are angry and how your life is ruined and why your best friend matters so much to you and why you dyed your hair this week why your brother's girlfriend was such a bitch to you and oh...just keep it simple sweet- don't scare him.
Stage 2: The callback
- So you did well kid, he either got your number or you got his ( or you are now officially facey friends, cudos).
- *do not add them on facebook first, you will appear stalkerish. If they asked you to add them- you have approval to go ahead and do so, but if it wasn't mentioned and he doesn't yet know that you already know his last name- don't let facebook blow your cover
- Stick to texting, this is a lot safer. You have the time to analyse your words and keep your shit together. If you call him or he calls you, who knows what you might say out of anxiety. Deny that phone call and send him a simple text, phone calls are for close friendships where you can afford to say things without first thinking about it
Stage 3: Common Ground
- You've established some common ground and you guys actually get along. Things are working out well and you can afford to let some geek out
- wipe your hand before you hold hands, no one likes sweaty palms
- talk more about him than you, guys don't keep up with girl lingo and you'll lose his attention
- sorry to break it to you, but you can't break out in sweats yet. Keep the trackies at home, that's a gift he will have to wait to see until you are a little bit more intimately connected.
- careful not to fall head over heels within this stage, this is a make or break zone
- this is the meeting friends of friends stage and curating a common ground. The stage where photos are taken together and people start to realise that you're hanging out a little bit more often than you used to
Stage 4: More than friends
- we're "seeing each other"
- you aren't officially dating but you and everyone else knows you are more than 'just friends'
- this is a tough stage. Generally the family meeting stage and the time where feelings are really felt
- conversations generally are more involving what sort of level you are both at and trying to discover whether you are on the same page without revealing your vulnerability
- you are trying to find out if its a green light to go ahead and say you like each other or whether its time to back out before its too late
- This stage is the generator of friend zones, you find out whether or not all the flirty banter will get you anywhere or if it's just friendship friendly
- Nearing the end of this stage is generally when you start discussing or implying that it's heading to more of an "official" relationship but it is still skating on thin ice so talking about how you feel and opening up completely means you still have to be a bit aloof
Stage 5: Official
- congrats, you have found yourself a keeper (for now)
- things are smooth sailing for the first few weeks-months
- the honeymoon stage is great, you find out what it's like to rely on someone and it's nice to have the effortless comfort
- having a man around the house ain't so bad, plus it gives you an invisible confidence boost because yes, someone actually likes you for a change!
- you create a foundation together. essentially a ground where you both know each other explicitly from anyone else and there are parts you share together that you wouldn't usually with anyone else
- you're a pair, you are no longer individual. I'm sorry, but if you invite one part of the couple, expect the other to come too. You can't expect salt without pepper.
- This stage can run for a while, its ultimate length or (common) run time is roughly 6 months until things start to become heated.
Stage 6: I think we should talk
- the feelings stage
- I like you, but its not the right time
- I'm just really busy right now
- I think we should be friends
- I think we should take a break
- I just need to focus on me
- the general decider if it's going to carry on further from being a honeymoon couple or actually becoming someone's partner
-this stage is easy to back out of ( if you're the one reversing)
- in a common situation it is only one person who decides whether or not to keep going further into the relationship from this stage out
- if you are super lucky, it'll be a mutual decision
- if you have been dealt bad cards, you'll be left with empty excuses and false apologies but really, you saw it coming anyway
- the stage where 'silent treatments' developed and choosing sides became ideal
So now you have had a general break down of how things play out, you can understand why the game isn't essentially something that I want to dive into.
It takes a lot of time and effort and I can be bothered trial and erroring mutiple people in hopes of finding 'the one'.
My mum always said to me "good things come to those who wait", and i get so confused as to why there aren't more people just waiting...
why does everyone want to meet and greet or wine and dine and push for something that maybe just isn't there?
That's all for today readers. x
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