Let it be.

When we are young, we are always taught to love, taught to listen, and taught to forgive.

I want to know why no one is ever taught to recover, how to speak up or how to forget.

I want to know why we spend all our time searching for someone. Why we spend all our years listening to others, getting advice or taking other peoples words for promises. Why we forgive so easily, yet we remember everything at the same time. 

I can forgive someone, but i will never forget. I can listen, but i cannot speak my mind fluently. I can love, but i cant let go of someone or learn how to fix myself when ive lost someone.

What happens when you are stuck? What happens when you study and learn all these things for your entire life only to fail the exam at the end. What happens when you just 'dont know'.

Everyone says move on, voice your opinions, forget your past and let go.

All i want to know is... has anyone actually achieved any of these things?

Fuck... i could read a thousand books about it if its true, but i can guarantee none of it is legitimate.

How do you know? You cant teach these things. 

I guess thats the whole point really. The basics can be learnt because they are EASY.

It is so easy to love- but no one teaches you to let go or move on because ITS HARD and the process is endless. 

No one teaches you how to forgive- because there is no right or wrong way- one day you just wake up and you realise for yourself that its time. 

And, when the right time presents itself, you learn to hear your own voice.

Speaking up doesnt necessarily mean speeches, or voting or voicing your own opinion- it could simply mean just taking your own advice- or making your own decisions. 

I guess, we all struggle. Its the endless war throughout humanity. 

Figuring out how to teach yourself to walk without legs. 

Everyone is in their own constant battle. We fail to see it in each other, everyone seems happy to a blind eye. But individually? We could pick our flaws like flowers in spring.

We spend our years of living, learning. 

We fight, we struggle, we cry...but in the end...after it all? We are walking.

There will be a time and a place where we realise that we have recovered and let go. We dont know when it happens or how, it just simply falls into place. I guess thats why no one knows how to teach it to those around them. 

One day we change our diet, or quit our job and all of a sudden we have outspoken the silence. 

We have taken our own advice- listened to our own voice and boom! we have taught our self how to speak instead of listen. 

And then, when you go to remember heartache, or a bruised knee, we dont know what the pain or the moment felt like. We have just simply... forgotten. 

I guess im finding this all out now. At 3:05 am, its a subtle epiphany. 

I was always looking for answers. Searching for some guidance on how to conquer the impossible. 

People give you answers, or at least they try. 

But really? Im out here on my balcony, typing away and it hit me. We are on our own, and its a good thing. This is life... sounds cliche and corny... but its true.

We just have to stick it out. 

Everyone grows differently, everyone is different. You may have a twin, or a best friend, but you will never be exactly the same as someone else and therefore, you will never feel the same as someone else.

You will never know what its like to walk in someone elses shoes...you could try... but the experience will never match up to theirs.

Its a brutal realisation. Its something that we will all face one day. 

Its all based on time. 

The pit at the bottom of your stomach will smoothen out. Your voice will get louder in your head. Your thoughts will become blurred with new experiences and you will eventually grow into who you are meant to be.

Sucks being a teenager. Its a curve ball that people have dodged in the past- and others will have to dodge in the future.

I guess i am different because i like to document mine.

It helps in a way- i like to think it will help others. But my advice is something that is based around me- around my experiences and my emotions.

Let it be a 'guideline' to you. But learn to create your own. 

These things happen. These moments will pass. Cherish them- hate them...frame them? I dont know... but this post is a self realisation post where it has finally hit me.

Im not going to get any answers searching for them in those around me. I have to find them in myself and i cant expect them now or in 10 years. I just have to be patient and learn that my bumps and bruises will heal and that 'growing up' is happening at this very moment. 

Just... Let it be.

Thats all from me. Fuck i need to sleep. But let me leave you with a quote that has humbled me.

Stephen R. Covey once said "I am not a product of my circumstances. I am a product of my decisions".

Goodnight x