School finished two years ago, its okay to miss the people you used to see everyday- its not okay to want to relive those years. Move on.
You smoke now. Nearly a pack a day. You blame your work and the cute boy who first offered you a cigarette. You hate the taste, but you love the way you can release your sorrows through one drag.
You dont leave the house without makeup unless you are having a 'i dont give a fuck day' or your skin is impeccable. Your hair is a faded red because you want it to be a deep auburn but you cant afford to get it dyed every week.
You are exercising a lot now. You want to be healthy, but more of a physical healthy- otherwise you wouldnt be smoking.
You have a job- it pays well and you make good tips. You blow it all on cigarettes, pokies and coffee. You have saved a bit- but you dont know what for yet.
You love your sister, mum and dad. You would do anything for them.
You loved someone a few months ago- but he broke your heart. You arent so open anymore, you tend to be empty and somehow content at the same time and you are still figuring out how that can be.
You are trying to figure out who you want to be, and where you want to go in life. You have applied to universities, but even then your heart and soul arent fully together on it. Your passion is writing- and say you hate english all you like right now- but you will learn to love it. Soon you'll want it to be your career- you will want to publish books, write blogs and advice columns for magazines.
We havent got there yet- but we will.
You are struggling a bit right now. You dont know what is missing in your life. You are still trying to figure out what you love and where you want to be. You miss a lot of people who have gone from your life- and you are struggling to see that new people will enter.
You want to get up early in the morning to start 'fresh', but you stay up too late writing and watching soppy movies to afford to get up.
Sometimes you dont believe you should get up at all- but you realise life is worth something- you can be better than this.
You remember who you used to be. You used to be happy and you want that back. You will wait anxiously for that day to come back-- sometime soon hopefully.
You want to travel- but you dont have the time nor the money. You'd do anything to start fresh somewhere on the other side of the world- yet you are too scared to let go of home.
You moved home to be with your family for that exact reason. You want comfort- and you dont want lonliness to be the only thing you feel.
You like to be alone- but you dont like being lonely.
You are getting stronger though. Everyday gets a little bit easier and you have hope that someday you will be entirely happy again.
You will make it someday and not every path you take will be direct.
You will be diverted places where you are out of your comfort zone, but you have become stronger because of it. I believe in you. I am future you.
I wish i could tell you a million things that could change the way your life has turned out now, but if i did that- we wouldnt be who we are today.
These experiences will build who you are, and one day- it will all be worth it.
So hang in there kid,
there is always a tomorrow
x
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